Monday, May 28, 2007
It's been a whole 4 months since I gave up on Daddi, perhaps I'm not as faithful as I was when I was 5; the time when mom asked if I ever feel sad that there wasn't a dad to teach me how to play baseball or shoot hoops. " Nah~ I have Jesus as my Daddi" a simple phrase which I guess touched the heart of the almighty Creator, which set me on course to a life as if I had a dad, a rich rich rich one too =D
Since I came to Imperial College, I let my emotions towards a girl get in my way, I started off steady with Daddi as my priority, then I got carried away (since God has blessed us in many ways), I bailed out on God eventually hurting the girl, along with her best friends. Since then I seriously gave up on everything, I let my weak emotions get in the way, as I walked further and further away from Him, matters got worse and worse. I stopped going to lectures, I gave up on my studies, my grades deteriorated from a 1st class honor, to a near fail.... Yet my heart was still hardened, at this point, all the visions and promises all seemed insignificant, i started to think as if it was all my own imagination, my mom's imagination...
My spirit has reached a maximum thirst, since it's been so dry and deprived. Today, I decided to make things right, since for God, nothing is ever too late, I asked for forgivenss and prayed for the Holy Spirit to engage me once again. I thank God for loving me so much, even though I had the stone cold heart of Pharroh, He completely ignored it, my call was immediately answered, His presence was something I missed a lot, my heart was as soft as tofu, and my spirit gave way to His presence, giving full control, complete surrender, my heart now is burning with desire for Him.
The 1st time I've opened the bible in 4 months, my 1st verse hit me quite hard, Deuteronomy 1:26~46, talking about how some of the spies of the isreali army were being unfaithful and rebelious, and how their promise to the land filled with milk and honey was taken away, they had gnashing of teeth and repented, yet God ignored them, for it wasn't the 1st time. My heart sank, big time... I saw my self in their position, swerving off God's path, and now, I'm asking for forgiveness.... I wonder what God will give me? will He put me back on the right path? or will I remain a cast away in the dessert?
I'm so confused..... My heart is filled with the Love and Promises of God again, yet... I get this verse thrown in my face.... what i've encountered all contradict towards each other..... WHAT'S GOIN ON?
Since I came to Imperial College, I let my emotions towards a girl get in my way, I started off steady with Daddi as my priority, then I got carried away (since God has blessed us in many ways), I bailed out on God eventually hurting the girl, along with her best friends. Since then I seriously gave up on everything, I let my weak emotions get in the way, as I walked further and further away from Him, matters got worse and worse. I stopped going to lectures, I gave up on my studies, my grades deteriorated from a 1st class honor, to a near fail.... Yet my heart was still hardened, at this point, all the visions and promises all seemed insignificant, i started to think as if it was all my own imagination, my mom's imagination...
My spirit has reached a maximum thirst, since it's been so dry and deprived. Today, I decided to make things right, since for God, nothing is ever too late, I asked for forgivenss and prayed for the Holy Spirit to engage me once again. I thank God for loving me so much, even though I had the stone cold heart of Pharroh, He completely ignored it, my call was immediately answered, His presence was something I missed a lot, my heart was as soft as tofu, and my spirit gave way to His presence, giving full control, complete surrender, my heart now is burning with desire for Him.
The 1st time I've opened the bible in 4 months, my 1st verse hit me quite hard, Deuteronomy 1:26~46, talking about how some of the spies of the isreali army were being unfaithful and rebelious, and how their promise to the land filled with milk and honey was taken away, they had gnashing of teeth and repented, yet God ignored them, for it wasn't the 1st time. My heart sank, big time... I saw my self in their position, swerving off God's path, and now, I'm asking for forgiveness.... I wonder what God will give me? will He put me back on the right path? or will I remain a cast away in the dessert?
I'm so confused..... My heart is filled with the Love and Promises of God again, yet... I get this verse thrown in my face.... what i've encountered all contradict towards each other..... WHAT'S GOIN ON?
# posted by ANdrew @ 8:16 AM 
